When the peace God gives you isn't the peace you wanted

This has been a humbling lesson to learn. It's funny how you can learn a lesson over and over again, in different ways. Being humble instead of prideful  is a lesson I learn often.

It isn't an easy lesson and at times it may feel like the world is crashing down on you when you are in the midst of learning it, but in the end God will give you peace.

So this is my story of receiving that peace. But it wasn't the peace I was praying for when I made the decision to go back to Macedonia for round two. 

I saw it as a step of faith because I was not 100% fully certain of God's plan for me. I hoped with all my heart that it was to return to Macedonia and so I applied and began fundraising. Through all this, I prayed that God would show me His plans and that He would give me peace about my decision.

But that peace never came.

And as the money just didn't come in and time and deadlines were passing, I began to cave under the pressure. I wanted so badly to go back.

I had to go back.

But God had different plans and through lots of prayer and receiving counsel from family and friends, I made the hard decision to yield. To take a step back and humble myself.

Because as I look back on the whole thing, I was letting my emotions make decisions for me. I didn't wait for God to give the go ahead. I didn't wait for His peace before I set sail. 

It is hard to put your own will and desires aside and do things God's way. I mean, it's hard to do that in all facets of life. But in these circumstances, it felt devastating. And still, sometimes my heart aches when I see the pictures from March. Those beautiful refugees stole my a piece of my heart and I'm pretty sure I'll never get it back. But that's what mission trips do. You lose your heart piece by piece and that's a good thing. 

So what now?

I feel like God is leading me to a time of sabbatical, of rest and recharge. I don't know how long this period will be. But I do know that no matter how long it is, I will not be idle. I'm using this time to grow closer in my walk with the Lord and to seek His long term will for my life. As much as I have loved every short term trip I have been on, I believe I am ready and am getting closer to long term commitment. So we will see where God leads me and when He leads me there. It may be sooner than I think ;)

As always, your continued support and prayers are greatly needed and appreciated. Love you all!

Be sure to follow by email/subscribe!

Beka

When God changes your heart

How do you begin to explain the vastness of a mission trip? If you have ever been on one before, you will understand the change you see in yourself when you return home. 
So much changes too. 
Your eyes are open to a whole new part of the world. 
You see realities and circumstances that most people have never even given a thought to. This goes especially for younger missionaries like myself. Most young adults or teens (more than most I should say) have never stepped foot outside of their state, let alone to another country. 
Opinions change.
But most importantly, your heart changes.

And that's what I want to talk about first. How God changed my heart when I went to Macedonia. 

Let's backtrack,shall we? To before the refugee crisis hit media headlines. Back to when the only idea I had about Muslims and the Islamic faith was that there were terrorists among them. When I thought about a Muslim, I associated that person to terrorists. I know this isn't a rare occurrence. There are quite a few number of humans (not just Americans I'm guessing) that thought the same as me. 
I had never had a conversation with a Muslim outside of ringing up their groceries at my previous job as a cashier. 
I never looked into their eyes and felt love.
I always felt fear and suspicion. 

I learned long ago to never put boundaries on God's plan. I have always tried to keep an open mind when dreaming of where God may send me next. But honestly, deep down in my heart I hoped that the Middle East was not on His agenda. And China was always the number two. But still, I tried keeping an open heart to it all the while hoping inside that my calling would be anywhere but there. You know what I mean?

So, in short, I was very judgmental and hypocritical. 

So when the refugee crisis hit our media outlets and became the crisis that it is today, you can imagine my shock when I no longer felt the same towards them. Maybe it was sympathy that began to soften my heart. Or maybe it was God using sympathy to soften my heart.  But there I was, heart breaking as I watched the drone fly over Syria and all you could see for miles was destruction.  Hearing the horror stories from HONY's travels to the Middle East, of these people who are trying to flee for their very lives because ISIS is killing everyone they know and love. The war is ravaging these countries forcing these families to leave all they have ever known and all they own and run.

Suddenly, these people weren't so scary. They were humans who needed help. They are lost sheep needing the true Good Shepherd. 

But those feelings didn't truly go away until I walked into the camp and looked into the eyes of mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, and children. Until my heart fully broke for these beautiful people. 
When love finally entered my heart for a people who are so in need of love.

That's how God changed me. He took fear and replaced it with so much love.

But not after convicting me of my past opinions and attitudes. 

I know this refugee crisis is the center of a large debate here in America. But for us Christians, there should be no debate. And maybe this will help you understand what I mean.

One of our leaders said this at the beginning of the trip and it has stuck with me to this day and I hope you consider it and pray about it just as much as I have. 

"Have we as Christians thought that perhaps God is bringing the Muslim refugees here because we aren't going there?"

That personally hit home with me. Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, they are all places I have never had a desire to go. And I'm sure many other Christians would agree with me. 

Guys, we are seeing something so amazing during this time. We are seeing a mass exodus of previously unreachable people groups now entering countries where they are FREE to hear the Good saving News of Jesus Christ and God's love for them! 
WOW  can I get an AMEN?!

Think about it for a minute will you? 

Mission trips to the Middle East are basically unheard of. But mission trips to Germany or Macedonia? We can freely enter those countries and freely and openly talk about Jesus to Afghan's and Syrian's.  People who have never heard the truth of the Bible.

What do I think we should do about it?

Pray. Learn. Open our arms. 

Pray for these people. Pray as they travel, as they find and settle into a new home. Pray for provisions. Pray that Jesus will speak to them in dreams and through His people. Pray. Pray. Pray.

Learn about the culture these people are coming from. Learn about the similarities and differences in religions. Learn how to bridge the gap between Christians and Muslims. (I recommend a great video series called___________...I will let you know as soon as I find it..)
So learn how to reach them.

And open your arms, open your heart to these people. They have names and beautiful faces. They are no different than me or you. 

Why I do what I do...

I'm sure some of you are wondering, "Why are you involved with foreign missions?"

It's something I have asked myself quite often. 
What is my purpose? 
Why do I do what I have done and what I still want to do? 

Why do I spend so much time, effort, energy and money on short term mission trips to other countries?

The answer is simple yet so deeply complicated.

Simply put? God has called me to these trips. 

I didn't wake up one day and say to myself, "I think I'll go travel to a developing country, spend a summer there away from the comforts of home and away from my family and friends. Yeah, I think I'll go to a country where there are no real or clean toilets. I'll go to a country where I have to hike for hours up large steep hills where my lungs feel like they will explode just so I can meet new people. I'll go somewhere where I can't shower every day or every other day. I'll go to a new culture and perhaps try weird foods or food I don't like and pretend I do like it so I don't disrespect anyone. I'll go spend a month in a place where I don't know the language and if I'm confused I'll just nod and smile and walk away. I'll leave for 6 weeks and lie awake at night, crying myself to sleep from homesickness." 

Yeah...that sounds like a great plan. 

Nepal. Colombia. Honduras. (Scotland doesn't count because I have always wanted to go haha) and now Macedonia and some day Romania. Those aren't necessarily my top picks of places I would have wanted to travel to in this world. Let's face it...Those aren't tourist hot spots. They aren't all that safe. But that never mattered to me. 
All that mattered when I was facing a new trip was the clear and simple fact that God called me, told me to go on a trip. God called me to Nepal, Colombia, Kairos (Honduras and Scotland) and now He is calling me to Macedonia. 

A more complicated answer to this question would be, God called me to this.

I say that it is so simple yet so complicated and here is why.

God called me. Simple enough. So that's what I have to do. 
It's only complicated when I start to wonder why. Why to these specific places? 

I'll be honest. 

I look back on my trips and wonder why I was called there. What was so special about ME going THERE? 
Maybe I touched someones heart. Maybe it was because I had a willing heart to go. I may never get to know the reason but that doesn't stop me from going. It keeps me going. I never know what God has planned and I may never know how many seeds were planted in love. I may never see the seed grow and blossom. At least I wont see it in this life. But I'll definitely see it in heaven. 

I love mission trips. I love seeing new people and new places. I love experiencing a new culture. I love beholding the beautiful earth that God has created.

Now, although they may never have been my top picks for travel destinations, the excitement for the trips never faded. Each trip has been a fantastic adventure that God has blessed me with. I look back on each with such joy and fondness. So many great memories. I have learned so much on each trip. My eyes were opened to the world and its needs. Having now seen these countries, I'd love to return some day and walk the familiar streets. They are all such beautiful countries.

I once listened to a sermon by Paris Reidhead called "Ten Shekels and a Shirt". 

Near the end he was speaking on one of his trips to Africa and this is what he said and I have never forgotten it. 

" I heard God say to my heart that day something like this, "I didn't send you to Africa for the sake of the heathen, I sent you to Africa for My sake. They deserved Hell! But I LOVE THEM!!! AND I ENDURED THE AGONIES OF HELL FOR THEM!!!

I DIDN'T SEND YOU OUT THERE FOR THEM!!! I SENT YOU OUT THERE FOR ME! DO I NOT DESERVE THE REWARD OF MY SUFFERING? DON'T I DESERVE THOSE FOR WHOM I DIED?"

I'll let you chew on that one.

And to those who would ask, "Why not here in America? Americans need help too."

That is so true. ALL people need love. ALL people need Jesus. It doesn't matter who you are, how much money you make, what color skin you have or what language you speak. We are ALL THE SAME. No one is better than the other. No country more superior. WE all need Jesus, it just may look differently in each person, but the bottom line is the same in each and every person on this earth. We are all sinners. 

So why do I do what I do?

 I'm just following the open doors that God has placed in front of me. Whether that is ministry here in the states or ministry abroad. I'll go wherever and however He leads me. And my fingers will be crossed for foreign trips because I am now forever biased towards foreign missions ;) 

If you have any questions or comments, feel free to ask/speak! I'd love to hear from you :) 

~Beka

P.S ALSO if you haven't yet, subscribe and never miss a post!


And I recommend listening/reading to the sermon!

http://www.parisreidheadbibleteachingministries.org/Ten_Shekels_and_A_Shirt.html

Macedonia! Part Two!

This March I'll be traveling with Reign Ministries, partnering with SEND International to work with the Syrian Refugees in Skopje, Macedonia. (March 19-27) 
We will be engaged in refugee relief work that includes food and water distribution, providing supplies to young mothers and their children, and sharing the gospel through SD cards they can put into their phone and carry with them as they make their way north. 

I am so excited for this opportunity to work with refugees and alongside other missionaries. God has placed the Syrian refugee crisis on my heart and I cannot wait to stop talking and start doing something to make a difference. 

Now...here is the fun story. Today is Saturday. On Wednesday I got my acceptance email. And just a couple hours later I got a new email. This email was about our flights. Prices jumped and our travel agent found us a new flight to Macedonia and back. It was substantially cheaper but there was a catch. We would need at least $578 in our accounts to cover the airfare.  That gave me just about two days to raise a large portion of my funds. And then on top of that, my name wasn't online so I couldn't receive online gifts until Thursday, giving me only a day to raise the funds.

I'll be honest. I cried. For a brief moment, I doubted myself. Did I hear God correctly? Am I really supposed to go? How am I going to get almost $600 in a day? I spent that night in worship and prayer and pouring my heart out to God. All of Thursday as I posted online and sent messages and made phone calls, I prayed.
It was a humbling couple days. Realizing that there was nothing I could do and it was ALL in God's hands. I trusted Him and knew that if this is what He was calling me to do, He would provide. And all day I held my anxious heart at bay. 
I knew of a couple gifts that people planned to give but the running total I knew I still needed was around $300. I went to bed that night not knowing if there would be the remaining $300 in my account in the morning.

I had a dream that night that I had raised $1,000. I woke up feeling peaceful and knowing God will provide. 

Hours went by. I kept busy by a visit to the Vet with my kitten Zeke and babysitting at church.It was during that hour of babysitting that I got the message. 

The total I had gotten as of Friday morning was $875!!! I was ecstatic! I was OVER the amount due that morning. I WAS GOING TO MACEDONIA IN MARCH!

But you think that's it? It got better!

By the end of the day, I received over $1,000 towards my trip! How good is our God? How Faithful!!!
Plus, lets not forget that my dream came true ;)

Let me break down the costs of the trip.

• $900 for the trip.
• $578 for international airfare
• $___ for domestic airfare
• $___ travel insurance (May actually be a part of the $900)
• $___ spending money/supplies

All I have left to fund raise is less than $500 for the trip and money to cover domestic airfare (flights Buffalo to Chicago and then NYC to Buffalo). 
I should be able to cover my spending money and supplies. 
I'll be doing fundraising through churches in the area and continuing to take online donations to finish.
The rest of my funds are due March 11th. And I'll need to get the money to book my flights sooner rather than later.

The last couple days have been a wild ride. One that I have enjoyed and learned from. Like I said all through fund raising for Kairos.

MY GOD IS A MOUNTAIN MOVER!!

No time limit is too short for Him. No amount too large. 

His resources are infinite and he is the creator of time. 

March is going to be so amazing!